Dealing with the Anxiety provoked by Uncertainty

As a counsellor, I notice how much of our Anxiety arises from uncertainty - the circumstances we cannot control. And how much mischief arises from our own efforts to reduce uncertainty, by trying to control the things and people around us. I am guilty of that myself. There's a fundamental reason why 12-step programs use the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer is a massive undertaking. Acceptance. Change. Courage. Wisdom.

How do we accept the difficult parts of life and the negative feelings that come with it, such as fear, worry, rumination, anger, resentment, guilt and shame? If you look back over your life, you've definitely achieved this almost Herculean task at times. Do you still agonise over every single thing that plagued you several years ago? There are things that you have already 'let go'. But...is there anything you need accept in your life right now? Acceptance involves sacrifice. It is OK to look at what acceptance costs, and feel genuine compassion for yourself. And then, on the right heartbeat, take the hit and accept it. Perhaps fight and rail against it again, and on the right heartbeat, accept it again. It gets easier. This is what everyday heroes are made of.

Change can be incredibly scary. Just 'trying hard' to change often doesn't work, and part of that is our mental wiring. Brain neurons that fire together, wire together. By this I mean that, like computer, that our brains run on software that we've built over our lifetime. Our Negative Automatic Thoughts and Core Beliefs are part of this mental 'computer program' and we are often unaware of these. So just deciding to 'try and change' can be the hardest and least effective way to go about it. Counselling triggers reflection on our thoughts and beliefs and brings about change because the interaction causes many more neurons to fire outside of their usual pattern, leading to that rewiring of the brain.

Wisdom is something we can all grow in. Listening to that still, small voice is hard when in a storm of Anxiety. It can take practice to stop, to be still, and to quieten ourselves. It is this discipline that allows you to grow stronger from the inside. Counselling can help you to discern that voice from the other noise and let that voice grow stronger. As Marcel Proust wrote: "We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us."

And lastly, courage. If you have been living with Anxiety, you are probably relying on your courage a lot - way more than you realise! Where does your courage come from? Were you born with it? Did you learn it from someone? When you experience Anxiety, do you even notice your courage? Book in to discover more about your own courage...