Ways to find Hope: Overcoming Life's Challenges

Let's face it, we've all experienced our own unique challenges. Whether trauma, loss, failure, uncertainty, shame, or anything else, we have all had times of feeling overwhelmed and perhaps unable to cope. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I remember being told I had a 30 to 40% chance of becoming terminal within the next 5 years. I stopped by a beautiful friend on the way home. She responded by saying 'that means you have a 60 to 70% chance of not becoming terminal'!

I responded by pretending I was feeling positive about my relative chances - as I felt she needed me to feel hopeful. Feeling pressure to be positive didn't leave me feeling genuinely hopeful. What did bring hope was reflecting deeply on the facts...until I knew what my values were and how I wanted to walk through this challenge - particularly with regard to my 3 children. I had already received training on breaking bad news (in my career) and advice on breaking bad news to my children (when my mother suffered terminal cancer). I knew I wanted to walk it out with courage and integrity, by protecting them as much as possible but still remaining honest. My hope shifted from things I had little control over (cancer), to things I had much more control over - my own behaviour.

I am not unique - hope is best found in working out what your needs and values are in responding to your challenges. Here are some common themes in finding hope.

1. Seek Support: You don't need to face challenges alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. If you are struggling to communicate your needs, Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication offers practical and non-blaming ways to ask.

2. Focus on the Present: Where possible and to the extent that you are able, concentrate on the present moment rather than dwelling in the past or the future. Then do something simple to make this present moment slightly more bearable (such as making a cup of tea). Then take the simplest step forward that you can. This takes us from anxiety to action, even if that 'action' is to have a rest!

3. Find Purpose: What is important to you in how you respond to this challenge? This reveals your values - what gives your life meaning. Even if things don't work out the way you want them to, you will know you responded in accordance with those values.

4. Practice Gratitude: This is not the same as false positivity. This is taking a moment to reflect on one thing you're genuinely...from your heart...thankful for - no matter how 'small' e.g. the smile of your child. This further reveals your values and can signpost what is important to you moving forward.

5. Embrace Resilience: Every challenge you have already overcome is a testament to your strength and resilience. The very moment you feel your worst is very likely a moment you are, in fact, practicing resilience in painful circumstances - something you have done many times before.

6. Time: A sense of time running out can be challenging, but so is seeing the future stretch out with what we believe is an 'unbearable reality' without hope for change. That sense of 'I can't live like this' and 'it will never get better'. Bearing with time takes incredible maturity.

7. Grace: Lastly but most importantly, give yourself grace. This means treating yourself with more than just goodwill - it means treating yourself with kindness and generosity while dealing honestly with your imperfections. If you practice grace towards yourself, it will be more readily available for others. Experiencing Grace brings hope for the future right into the present.

If you are experiencing Anxiety as a result of life's challenges, counselling has much to offer. It certainly helped me. Whether the challenge is 'big' or 'small' isn't the point. The point is finding ways to unravel Anxiety from your life and move forward with steadiness, sure of your values and what brings you joy.